Wednesday, 27 January 2016

Fishing & Friendships That Encompass It

I have thought long and hard whilst composing this blog post and do realise it is not exactly a fishing related one, at least not of the fishing trip kind. However it is related to the friendships I have made via fishing, some of these have been very pleasant and have lasted and there are some that I wish I had never had. The kind where you can be as far from pretence or deceit as possible, only to find out that the person involved simply cannot help running others down behind their back.  I must admit that I don't believe a friendship that is based around a shared passion should feel like the person you are sharing your enjoyment with is constantly laying traps all the time or bartering with your information and selling it on to curry favour with others, only to move on and do the same to those that they have shared things with and I have felt like this has been the case regularly with certain individuals.

I admit that I am far from perfect and come across at times as being rather stilted when socialising and dealing with the intricacies associated with friendship. Although I am finding there seems to be a running theme with some people to be disingenuous with others as well as usually applying a good helping of double standards and duplicity toward their friendships, yet at the same time repeatedly trying to either befriend or re-friend you, wearers of two faces and if a wildlife comparison was drawn then I suppose the term "social Hyena" might be put to use.

Maybe I take friendships too seriously but when spending time on the riverbank it is nice to feel you are sharing it with someone whom has a kindred spirit for our pastime without them being judgemental or allowing other malevolent emotions to manifest themselves, whilst still gladly taking with one hand and silently slipping a knife between your shoulder blades with the other. 

The question I have mulled over the most would be how many second chances do you give another person before you become a doormat and is twice once too many?  Being able to forgive and work through a rocky period of a friendship and giving it a second chance is something that has to come from both parties. They have to be willing to look at each others faults and failings working on understanding each others weaker areas, rather than reviving the friendship only to continue to make snide derogatory remarks to others.

To myself friendship has always been a curious thing, perhaps even more so when it is combined with a passionately shared hobby, does it become more unstable because of that, indeed should it? Surely not, if anything it should give a firm foundation and the building blocks toward an extra cohesion between two anglers, strengthening their friendship and resolve.

Who knows, maybe I am not finding the right people/persons that I click with. Perhaps my friendship radar is askew, the latter would not surprise me, although I can't help feel that part of me no longer wishes to suffer fools gladly, but at the same time something another person said to me also sticks in my mind and that is not allowing one or two friendships to convince you to isolate yourself away from the chances of others which could perhaps flourish.

So blog readers I wish to ask you a straight question as I am interested to hear your replies and in doing so try to use them as a bit of a guiding hand. How many of you anglers have fishing friendships that have stood the test of time through the ups and downs, if so how have you gone about keeping that friendship strong? Have any of you fallen foul of friendships you wish you had distanced yourself from and perhaps felt you had made the mistake of attempting to reignite a friendship with someone whom will never be a sincere friend. Perhaps there were areas where you feel you may have been partly the cause of a loss of a good friendship. I would be very interested to read your views on this topic in the comments section and look forward to doing so.

I also promise to be a bit more back on topic in my future blogs.


  1. Mark
    Great topic that needs discussion.
    Simple Definition of friend
    : a person who you like and enjoy being with
    : a person who helps or supports someone or something (such as a cause or charity)

    In this, the "Facebook" age, life is increasingly becoming the popularity contest most of us despised in secondary school. People boasting of having hundreds of "friends" have devalued the commonly agreed upon definition of what it means to be a friend.
    The majority of my socializing in the past few years has occurred while fishing and I've met countless decent and interesting people, but a shared passion and time spent together on the water is just the start and not an all access pass to my life. A true friendship needs to be nurtured for years, built on a foundation of respect and trust.
    I have about a hundred fishing acquaintances and six fishing friends. I treat my acquaintances as I would like to be treated but do not expect reciprocation. My friends would risk their welfare to help me out.
    So, after a long winded explanation, which I now apologize for. I've temporarily lost touch with but never lost a good fishing friend. The lengthy screening process helps ensure this.

    1. I can only agree on most points with Deadfisher Mark, he has made a very sound comment.

      I don't think you 'make' friends, they happen. I also have many fishing mates many of which I get on with extremely well but friends? Very few.

      My advice is 'don't sweat it.' Treat everybody for what they are. Some will merge into your life and for a time will become close and you'll see a lot of each other. But orbits shift and one or the other will succumb to the gravity of a different planet. Its just life.

      If a 'friend' shafts you then they'd better have a pretty good explanation otherwise they should see only your back as you walk away.

      I moved 100 miles away from my last home and decided to pass on my forwarding details to all those that had taken the time to contact me in the proceeding few months. I told just three. But, should I meet any of the dozens of others again they would surely treat me as a mate. I can live with that.

      Besides, I like to fish on my own ;o)

    2. Thanks to both of you for taking the time to post in-depth responses that I can take in and absorb. You both have very valid points and I agree where facebook is concerned too John and although I do use the platform it has its flaws, I think especially so for people whom struggle to work out what is a genuine friendship or not. I

      Dave, what you have posted makes a lot of sense regarding friendship, the shifting orbits was something I have witnessed in the past. However I cannot seemingly do just "mates" it feels too hollow. So when I do put myself in a position of attempting to make friends and believe me I don't find that easy at all,I don't always take it very well when certain things occur over a course of time with a friendship.

      I am not what you would call a social net worker and cannot do a fine veneer. Perhaps I leave myself open to the wrong scenarios because of social naivety. I will follow both of your advice and although this particular post cost me a couple of blog followers, I wanted to air my views in hope of some pointers from others who have the social nous which I lack.